surreal

This whole experience has been so surreal. At various times throughout my semester abroad, I've found myself looking around and thinking to myself, "Who am I? This is not real life. This is not real." But it was, and it is, and it's almost all the past tense, was. That is freaking me out right now.

Last night I had a great night out with my friends. Some of us went to dinner to an Alsatian restaurant my friend Anna loves (she set up the dinner as a last-night-dinner-going-away type thing) and then we went out together afterwards. The dinner was amazing and so much fun and the food was amazing (the french just have a way with their ducks... I haven't had a bad duck in France lol) but the setting was bittersweet. Most of us were in the midst of exams, but some were done, some were leaving and some had already left. Anyways, after dinner, we ended up meeting at Rafiot, a boat club. It was alright, but it was so packed it was hard to move and was more like being in a mosh pit than a dance club. So we didn't stay very long. I left with Anna to walk her home and hang out for a little bit while she packed the rest of her things to leave this morning (she left at 8 this morning). We talked about our experiences and how we've changed and how we're both excited but also nervous to go home. Because we've changed. Our friends have changed. Our families have probably changed. Things won't be exactly the same when we get home, but we're not sure how they'll be different. But even more than that, last night it hit me that I've made friends here, friends that don't go to BC, friends that I may never see again. And while Anna goes to school at Princeton, which isn't far from Boston and totally do-able by car or train, she and I may never be in the same city again. We want to visit each other at school and it would be so fun to see each other's lives in the US, but last night was when it started sinking in that I'm leaving this place and when I come back, my experience will be completely different. I won't be a student (probably) and most of the people I've met here probably won't be here (with exceptions of course). All these conflicting thoughts also make it harder to study, which is a major problem because I have my last and most terrifying exam on Saturday.

Oh well. As they say, "you don't remember the tests you took, but you do remember the nights you didn't study." And I only have a few of those nights left... I guess I'm also a little curious to see if others notice that I've changed. Because I know I have, but I'm not sure if those inward changes will manifest themselves outwardly. I think I kind of hope so. Because I like how I've changed, I think I've grown in a good way. I've learned to take chances, have confidence, read a map, get myself home at 3 am, interact with people I don't understand, downplay my "american-ness," like beer, pick a good wine, survive in foreign countries, eat mushrooms and onions and try to eat ground meat (didn't take).

In conclusion, I am definitely making it back to Strasbourg and Europe, I've left too many place unexplored and there's too many things on my European to-do list that are still undone. Some might have to wait till I make my millions, but they will happen one day and I feel so grateful that I was able to have this experience. It wasn't real life, it was a storybook life, with all the ups and downs in a story (but a little lack of climax... unless you count my adventures as many mini climaxes) and all the necessary characters and settings: castles, princesses, best friends, great food, memories to last a lifetime (maybe longer) and all those philosophical things like growth, self-realization, etc. I guess there was a lack of a white knight slaying a dragon and rescuing me, but hey, who needs boys, right? I'll save myself and ride off into the sunset on my own white horse (or easyjet airplane) ;)

bises, love to all~

ps. I will eventually post Berlin update, I have it written down, I just haven't been in the mood lately.